


Kindly Calm Me Down

by alliaskofyou



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, baz comforts simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 05:18:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13827306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliaskofyou/pseuds/alliaskofyou
Summary: Simon has a panic attack when Baz isn't around.





	Kindly Calm Me Down

**Simon**

 

Baz isn’t home. Knowing that only increases my panic. I can feel it settling onto me like those lead aprons the Dentist would place on my chest when I was younger when they needed an x-ray. But now, the lead is heavier and spans the length of my body and I can’t move, can barely breathe, and why isn’t Baz here again? Class. Baz is in class. I know this. Why did I forget? He’s missed enough classes because of me. I can’t call him. Penny? No, Penny is in America with Micah. Just breathe. I can handle this. In and out. Orient myself to my surroundings.

 

Floor. I can feel the linoleum. Cool and slick.

 

Wall. I can feel it against my back. Smooth and firm.

 

Clench my hands. And release. Do it in time with my breathing.

 

God, this isn’t working! I’m panicking more than before. The pressure builds behind my eyes; tears drip and fall onto my pants. I hug my legs to my chest and bury my face in my knees. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

 

I CAN’T BREATHE.

 

My tail flicks anxiously across the floor, knocking against the dining chairs and pushing them farther and farther away. My wings are pinned against the wall, fluttering behind me. I curl them around me, a desperate attempt to block out the tinny sound of the TV.

 

I feel like I’m floating above and around myself. Distant. It feels as if a thin bubble surrounds me, making it harder to breathe and see and hear and the more my wings and tail brush against it the thinner it gets. I’m terrified of what will happen when it bur-

 

A foot steps inside and breaks the membrane. My tail thrashes on the floor, quick and uncertain. Someone grabs it gently. I flinch and curl further in on myself until I feel cool hands slide against my wings, prying them away from my trembling form.

 

Baz settles in front of me, kneeling. He caresses my face. I can feel his breath puffing in and out. It’s exaggerated, but I know what he’s trying to do and I try to mimic him.

 

I stare into his eyes; they’re cloudy, a turbulent storm of worry and love. My stomach twists at the thought of causing him pain and I can feel my breath quicken again. He brushes his fingers through my hair and sings a soft lullaby. I don’t know the words, they don’t even sound English, but the melody is sweet and light and I can feel it soak into me, releasing the tension from my limbs.

 

I try to follow his breathing again and, slowly, the world becomes more clear and less disorienting. Baz mumbles softly: _you’re okay, I’ve got you, breathe, love._

 

I try to smile reassuringly at him, but my lips form more of a grimace and a sob escapes past. He pulls me toward him and I let him, collapsing into his lap and laying my head on his shoulder. I curl my wings around us. He places my hand on his chest and I focus on his heartbeat, on his presence, on him, on us. I continue to breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspiration for this while listening to "Kindly Calm Me Down" by Meghan Trainor. This was random, quick, and not beta-ed, so apologies for spelling errors and such.
> 
> Let me know what you think! <3  
> I have opened commissions! [Bay's Ko-Fi](http://alliaskofyou.tumblr.com/post/176322514333/buy-bayleigh-a-coffee-ko-ficombayleigh)


End file.
